Trolls

I love urban fantasy novels by people such as Charles de Lint, Neil Gaiman and such. It never occurred to me that we would so intinsically be linked to the Otherworld ourselves.

But, I get ahead of myself. Each morning we travel on the same train (one which has not yet blown up) from our local overland station. Said transport stops at the same stations...we see the same people. And amongst the mundanes of every day life we have come to clutch at our respective seats and pray violently, sweat dripping from our brows, that the Three Trolls of Lower Sydenham do not come and sit near us.

Now, in no way shape or form am I astoundingly beautiful. But jaysus, I look at these three women (I use the term loosely here) and I shudder into my very core and think to myself that if I were God, I would defintely have added chlorine to their family genepool. Or something to stop their parents from pro-creating. The Osborne's are photogenic by comparison.

They are hideously ugly. And I won't even liken them to witches cos witches are cool.

They are trolls and should have names like Grimjaw and Grayskin and Childbiter and they should lurk under bridges where they would frighten children and steal their lunch money and hide themselves from the view of normal mundane folk.

I have NEVER in my life seen people more grey skinned (I think the term is "sallow?"), worn out, overweight with these strange asymetrical faces - as Fat Gecko says "They are one dna strand away from dragging their knuckles on the ground". You get the idea. And guess what? The one, a behemoth of a creature is pregnant and so smug with itself. All I want to do when I see it is run away screaming, clutching at my hair, plucking it out. It sits there in all its huge glory, encouraging these other two trolls to touch its swollen stomach. I have visions of things crawling out of its belly button - something like out of Alien, only that thing was cute.

Thank heavens we have had a respite this past week - I think the ToLS (Trolls of Lower Sydenham) have gone their separate ways and are on holiday. Hopefully Spain or wherever they elected to go will decide to keep them there to entertain other holiday makers where children can throw rotten fruit at them and such....

Ahem.

So, please feel pity for us and send ideas as to how to overcome the ToLS.

Yours aye,

L