Giggles from the Hell Dimension

Yesterday was - in a word - so incredibly horrible I considered running away and joining the Chinese State Circus currently touring the UK. (Okay, so it wasn't quite a word but if you say it fast enough, it would be.)

Back to the Circus idea - I would give that a miss as I don't think I would like the taste of dog masquerading as Kung Pow Chicken.

But, I digress.

Yesterday, was a godawful day. I sounded like someone suffering from tourettes, much to the hilarity of my work colleague LBJG (Little Blond Jewish Girl) who is always amazed at my proficient linguistic skills.

I went into work this morning, promising myself to not a) wish the main demons of the department dead, b) consider going to see a Voodoo Priest to curse them, c) pushing them infront of a bus/train/taxi/delivery van or d) poisoning them by making them tea/coffee. Then I remembered about Karma ... and I decided to wait till I am filthy stinking rich (having won the lotto) and then hiring baddies to take them all out.

I remained relatively calm most of the day - except for the occasional tourettes slip.

Something which had me giggle though is how badly I can drop the main demon in the trouble with its Mrs.

SNH SNH SNH

I got a faintly panicked Blackberry message on my email from said head demon as he was travelling back from a business visit in the other Hell Dimension known as France. "Any ideas for an anniversary present?" - which made me burst out laughing. So, sensible and helpful secretary that I am I email back asking "Not sure what Mrs. likes...jewellery and scarves or what...?" Response came back "Yes."

Sigh. . .

His anniversary is on Friday. I have set him a reminder to buy her a card tomorrow (which translates into "Liz, quickly go down to Paperchase and buy me a card.") and I printed off all the shows and their venues currently on the boards here in the BS (Big Smog).

Ontop of that I rang him and mentioned that I looked at Links of London (lovely jewellery) and I really think he should maybe get her a charm bracelet...and he said he thought that was a lovely idea...Wait till he sees the prices! My evil genius mind works like this, see? The thing about the HD is...he can't make up his mind. EVER. About anything, and I have learned the trick into bullying him. Gently-like. (He didn't HAVE TO travel First Class via Eurostar today...AND pay for his three work colleagues.)

So, giving him a deluge of things to get his poor Mrs. I guarantee him spending A LOT of money and she gets to have a lovely anniversary and be spoilt. Just because he couldn't decide what to get.

Okay, so maybe this story isn't as funny as all that...but after the absolute torture he put me through yesterday, today was a blast - I think I was hysterical, actually. I shall report back and see how much I can make him spend on her.

Now, I wonder how I can write off that nice Ferrari parked outside on expenses...