Looking Glass Wars

Oh dear.

Now, Mr. G and I are convinced that we have some of the scariest looking people in the Southeast travelling on our trainline.

In all honesty, I think personally that our problem is that we are keen observers of other people. I can people-watch for hours, making little notes in my notebook which I always carry around with me. I like to think they might one day pop up in a book might one day get published - Jamie, stop nodding sagely whilst reading this!

Sometimes, just sometimes, I reel back in shock when I see what people dress like when going to work, and at first thing in the morning when your brain isn't functioning very well yet...well, I have been known to point and double-up with laughter as my people-friendly programming hasn't kicked in yet.

This morning, case in point, Young Miss TeenIdol is off to go work in her uncle's caf in Lunnen dressed to the T's in this shiny fabricked wide-legged three-quarter lenght shitty trouser/long shorts (which looked hideous in the 80's and looks even worse now) wearing boots stopping just under the hem of said shitty trousers. Ontop she wore this knitted topthing that was basically a tube in a bizarre cerise pink colour (the trousers were a soft lime-green and the boots were a good leather brown) and she had earings on so large that I feared for her life, expecting a dead parrot to drop from the sky to hang off them. And of course, the obligatory fag was being waved about as it spoke loudly on its mobile - no one else has one, yeah, so like, I have to show off what I got yeah? - whilst chewing gum.

We moved further down the platform and I had to turn my back. FG looked at me and just said "we have to institute that Charity we spoke about when we win the lotto." I fully agree.

The Charity will be called:

The Every House A Mirror Charity

Its sole purpose would be to ensure that every single household in all of the UK will have at least one full-length mirror at its front door. We hope this would encourage people to look at themselves before going out, so that they don't inflict their "individual fashion sense" on the rest of the poor unprepared population of this Country.

I am glad to say that I have always been a skinny t-shirt and jeans kinda gall and have NEVER in my life owned anything fashionable. Well, except for my leather biker jacket but that was a necessity and not a fashion accessory. Why people follow fashion trends and don't stick to failsafe classic lines, is beyond me. Admittedly, it would be a boring old life, but I really don't want to be tortured with the sight of pale fat legs and flesh peering through too tight fishnets sticking out from under a too-short skirt because the fashionistas have declared it "the look of the season".

Save us, oh gods of fashion, of sheep who blindly follow the pack.

Yes, you are an individual. Just like the other fifty million people on this planet.