Commuter Hell

I sometimes wonder why day-trippers feel the need to travel into town on rush-hour trains. They invariably carry backpacks (not the blowing-up type, we hope), pushchairs and at least two howling kids, at the minimum. And then they tutt at rush-hour commuters who only have one goal in mind – get to the closest café to buy the cappuccino so desperately needed to wake up and then get to the office to report for a day in hell.

Do these people not realise that they are a nuisance? That on rush-hour trains backpacks and pushchairs are not allowed? And nevermind the inconvenience of trying to climb over these things to an empty seat, you get to have Timmy and Byron or more poshly, Chardonay or little Britney trying to smear their dirty little paws on you, poop on you, spit and drool on you. Or howling for no reason at the top of their little lungs. Why, dear god, why are they allowed on the trains when all you want to do is either doze, read your book in peace or just relax before the chaos of a working day? Once in town, they get to push or carry or drag the howling demonettes around town for about three hours – shops only open at ten here, later on weekends. And by that time, (I don’t know about you, but my tolerance for going shopping is about an hour) these kids are even more upset cos its cold, its miserable and mommy just desperately needs to go and visit the stylish Lillywhites for that choice velour trackpants with the words – SAUCY – emblazoned in bright embroidery across the bum. Quality.

And then, in the evening, going home is sometimes, even worse. Not only do they disregard any kind of manners they might have dragged with them from their mud-holes, they expect to be treated as privileged citizens, as they struggle through the masses with their pushchairs, kids and numerous shopping bags.

I have, in anger, once confronted such a mom who needlessly barged along, pulling shrieking Timmy behind her and tugging her little trolley case behind her, physically knocking sideways and almost over, an elderly lady making her stately way to the platform. I saw this and reached out at the same time, to steady this old lady who was quite shaken by the encounter, dropping her bag, cane and travelcard in the process. I checked to make sure she was okay and ran after this stupid woman and when I confronted her and pointed out that if I didn’t catch this old lady she would no doubt have had to go to hospital, the careless mother glared at me and said “I don’t care. I need to get on the train. Everyone has been so rude to me today, I just don’t understand it.” To which I replied: “Maybe you should take the advice the LTA give out and not travel during peak hours with your bags and kids in tow. You should really be more careful how you treat others because one day you will be old and doddering and hopefully someone will knock you down.” She looked shocked at this and before she could say anything else, the elderly lady doddered up and took me by the arm and said “Thank you for being so kind – leave this stupid woman alone. She has no grace and was obviously brought up in a pigsty.” Even I was shocked at this statement and together the two of us walked away leaving the woman and her sniffling child at the doors of an open carriage. It was one of those really Hollywood moments where there just was no comeback from that at all.

So please, jobless day trippers with howling demonettes in tow – travel at your own time, not ours. We get to work all day so that you can stay at home and breed more unsavoury children which you don’t have the money or inclination to look after.