OMG, cycling through the channels I came across a movie which I have not seen in a million years.
Kickboxer starring Jean Claude - Damme I'm Good - Van Damme.
The awful cheesiness, especially the "dance scene" where he has to prove to his sensei he has "grace and style" is just so cringeworthy, I wanted to loll about on the floor crying out in pay. Also, badly dubbed on the oriental's conversation. Twenty seconds of speaking but only five seconds of lip movement. Now, I am all for OTT martial arts movies, but this is just something beyond the call of duty, even for a martial arts movie nut like me. I even prefer Jackie Chan to this! Even his old stuff!
Speaking of the 80's and 90's and heroes from the silver screen: I am so glad we've grown with our heroes, like John McClane. To be older and grubbier and broken. And to be so bad ass you take down a helicopter with a car.
All I can say is: Yippy Kai Ay!
Watch this space for a review!
2 comments:
Why deny others the pleasure?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOIJtS4gbaY
You write that you "wanted to loll about on the floor crying out in pay [sic]"? (I'm assuming you meant "pain.") So, while you were in a state of suffering, you wanted to lay down in a relaxed, indolent manner? Seems contradictory. However, whenever I see an image of JCVD in briefs (like the one you've included), all I can think about is lolling about on his butt cheeks, even though I'm a heterosexual man. Nothing contradictory about that.
Why did you place quotation marks around "dance scene"? Here's a blog about unnecessary usage of quotation marks: http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/. Are you, by implication, criticizing his dance moves?
I'll have you know that JCVD's dance moves are my secret weapon when I go out on the weekend. Whenever I go to the club, I do two things. First, I slam two Miller Lites. And then I start slammin' on the dance floor, breakin' it down just like Van Damme in Kickboxer's "dance scene." And after doing those two things, I usually end of doing a third thing: makin' babies back at my apartment. True story.
Also, you write about "the oriental's conversation." I didn't know that a rug had a speaking part in Kickboxer. Hopefully you weren't referring to the lines of an Asian person. If I were you, I might think twice about offending one. They all know kung fu.
You want your heroes to be "older and grubbier and broken"? Well, I want my heroes to have a butt that looks like Michelangelo sculpted it. I'll chalk it up to a difference of taste. You have none, and I do.
By the way, did you know JCVD's nipples taste like triple chocolate cake? Just ask Kylie Minogue, who co-starred with him in Street Fighter. Sadly, no "dance scene" in that one.
Anyway. I did enjoy reading your blog. Excuse me, your "blog."
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